on wednesday, we move bobo and loley up to westmont.
so we have two more days of life as a family of six.
two more days of life with every bedroom full, every hamper stuffed, every life lived out together, in front of each other, though definitely not every detail of life shared, at least the basic gist of every day.
two more days to wonder what it will be like without them home, and then the move, which i am expecting to be both one of the most exhilarating, most acutely painful days in my life as a mother so far. (kind of like childbirth, except instead of birthing them out to hold and feed them, i will birth them out to let go of them and teach them to feed themselves, figuratively, vocationally speaking. my girls have been feeding themselves for quite some time now, just in case you were wondering.)
but for now, they are still here. and it feels a little like when you hear a news broadcaster say that a storm is coming, but when you look out your window, the sun is still beaming down. it's hard to put myself there, where we will be in two more days. sometimes while we're packing and there's a lull in the conversation, i can smell the change in the air, and my heart catches and causes me to take a deep breath. but then they will sing or dance or laugh and i see that the sun is still shining. for now.
after the stormy good-bye, we will leave for home. and we will be okay. we will find a new normal, and find the good in the new place, where the deep joy of sharing daily life together will be replaced by the maybe deeper joy of hearing, from a distance, what God is doing in their lives. but then, what do i know? i've never done this before. so this is my hope. this is my prayer. i'll let you know how it goes.
3 comments:
Julie-I remember the feeling well- some tears and sadness and then, new excitement with that first phone call and the realization that, yes, things are different, but still there is joy as you realize that God is working in their lives and they are growing and becoming!
Love you-Mom
sniff...
Bittersweet, this letting go. we wouldn't have it any other way, but man, is it tough to think about. You are further down this road than me, my friend. What a blessing to know that our Jesus goes before you and will come behind to attentively care for all at home and away! xo
Julie - You and Alan will be in our prayers at this new and different time in your lives. Sometimes there are new norms almost every day! The adjustment is hard, but you are up to it with God's help.
Good job, Julie!
Love you a bazillion tonkantels.
Mom
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