this week tessa got her driver's permit. it was my third time down to the dmv with one of our fifteen-and-a-half year-old daughters to wait for her number to appear on the monitor, wait in the line for the eye test, the the fingerprints, the photo, watch her disappear into the test- taking room behind the blue door and wait to read the look on her face as she comes out of the room. you would think it would be old-hat for me by now. but it wasn't. my stomach felt fluttery as she took the test, not because it was important to me that she pass the test, but because it was important to her.
she really wanted to pass. (but then, heck, didn't we all?) she had done her driver's ed. online without any prompting from us. she made the dmv appointment herself. she was all about it.
when she walked out the door, thankfully, she had a happyface. she was thrilled, and i was excited for her too. we hugged, squealed, and looked over the test sheet together, as we walked out the double doors of the dmv.
it wasn't until we were almost to the car that it hit me, "hey, wait. why am i so excited about this? am i really ready to begin the 6-month process of sitting in the passenger seat, breathing deep and slow, while my 15-year-old works out the kinks of the driving basics--learning how to not turn the steering wheel too far, and not hit the gas and break pedals too hard, so as to avoid unduly lurching us all forward and back? it takes a lot to remain calm under these circumstances, and to use my "patient, mature mom voice," rather than reacting from my place of terror and escalating the stress.
i guess it doesn't matter if i'm ready. it's here. and i love her. i admire the determination she showed in reaching this goal. and i want to see her launched into this next phase of her life with full support and excitement (with loads of caution to be sure.)
that evening, i was pulling into the garage and i saw alan, tessa and erica climbing into alan's car. i rolled down my window, and they asked how long they had till dinner, because they were going out to let tessa drive. i was happy to let alan take the first run while i stayed home and made dinner in my nice, warm kitchen. but i was even happier that erica wanted to ride along.
that's five of us now, driving. it's unbelievable. in a few more years, i'll be out of a job.
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